


Mantra

by Azulet



Category: Wings of Fire - Tui T. Sutherland
Genre: Abusive Mother, Abusive Parents, Abusive Relationships, Adopted Sibling Relationship, Adoptive Parent, Adoptive family, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Child Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Emotions, Eventual Fluff, Families of Choice, Family, Family Issues, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mild Spoilers, Missing Scene, No Romance, Past Child Abuse, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Platonic Relationships, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Spoilers, Thorn is The Best™, Unconventional Families
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-12-14 22:03:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11792388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azulet/pseuds/Azulet
Summary: Qibli deals with his flashbacks.Slight warning for traumatic flashbacks. Nothing graphic, mostly emotional abuse. Also mild spoilers for Darkness of Dragons.





	Mantra

**Author's Note:**

> This idea just sort of popped into my head, and I had to write it. I realize Wings Of Fire is mostly a kid's series so the author doesn't want to make it too dark and intense, but from the small glimpse of Qibli's past that we got in Darkness of Dragons, it doesn't make sense to me that he wouldn't have any emotional scarring. Also because Thorn is The Best™ and we need more of her.

It was happening again.

Qibli could feel himself breathing faster, could feel the uncomfortable flutter of his heart. He knew this.

He stood up and asked to leave class, ignoring the annoyance in Webs’ voice as he said yes and the concerned looks he got from his winglet. Qibli hurried up the tunnels, trying to hold off the storm in his mind until he reached his sleeping cave.

He stumbled into the room just as his legs gave out. His wings had started shaking uncontrollably and he could feel himself gasping for breath, but that didn’t matter now. The storm had reached him.

 

_“You’re worthless!”  Cobra yelled, slamming Qibli against the wall. She turned into Sirocco, laughing at him, who became Rattlesnake, threatening him with her tail._

Qibli breathed in. _I am worth something,_ he told himself.

 

_Qibli was standing in front of his grandfather, whose dragon skull tattoos were hissing at him, their tiny voices worming their way inside his head, telling him that he was useless, worthless, that he would never be important._

Qibli focused, turning the skulls into the stars from his first night as an Outclaw, turning their hissing into the voices of his new family. _I am important,_ he silently repeated the mantra Thorn had taught him _, I am useful._

Qibli could still remember the first time this had happened, the night after he had joined the Outclaws.

 

Thorn had found him hiding in his tent ( _his tent! He had his own tent!_ ), crouched on the floor, shaking.  She didn’t say anything at first, just settled down next to him and gently pulled away the wings he was using to shield his head. He had his eyes pinned shut, trying to block out the stream of memories, so he couldn’t actually see her, but he felt her eyes on him. When he finally mustered up the courage to open an eye, she smiled gently at him and asked “What is it?”

Qibli shook his head (or was that just him shivering?), mumbling “Nothing. I’m fine. Sorry.”

Thorn grabbed his chin softly and pulled his head up to look her in the eye. “Don’t apologize. Tell me what’s wrong.”

As early as he could remember, Cobra had instructed Qibli never to show weakness. One time, he had been stung by a scorpion, and she hadn’t given him any food for two days because he told her that he had been injured. “You can never let anyone know your weaknesses. _Especially_ not if you are wounded,” she would always tell him.

But now there was someone asking what was wrong, not to find his weaknesses, but because she cared ( _I hope she cares,_ thought Qibli, looking at the dragon who had ~~bought~~ _saved_ him from his mother). He didn’t know what to do; he wasn’t used to anyone caring about him. So he told her.

“Every time I close my eyes, I see her.”

“Your mother?” Thorn asked quietly.

Qibli nodded.

“Do you miss her?”

“No!” Qibli yelled, then immediately shrank down. He had been too loud, and now Thorn would hit him, or worse, abandon him. _Please don’t make me leave, I don’t to want go back_. But she didn’t do either, she just stared at him, waiting for him to continue.

“I-I mean, I guess I do, but I don’t want to go back.”

Thorn gently wrapped a wing around his back, pulling him closer. “As long as I’m alive, you have a home. You don’t ever have to leave.”

Qibli thought his heart might burst. He had a home! And someone who cared about him!

“Every time I close my eyes, I see memories of her, or my brother and sister, or my grandfather.” He shivered again, and Thorn leaned against him. She was so warm, so big compared to him; he thought that as long as he was next to her, maybe everything would be alright.

“They’re telling me that I’m a failure, unimportant, worthless, a disappointment. I can’t get them out of my head,” Qibli continued.

“That’s why you came in here?” Thorn asked.

Qibli nodded, trying to snuggle closer to her comforting warmth without her noticing. “I couldn’t hear anything else, and my wings got all shaky. I wanted to hide but it didn’t help.”

Thorn was silent for a moment, thinking, then she smiled down at Qibli. “Okay,” she began, “I need you to do something for me.”

He nodded vigorously, saying “Of course! Anything!”

Thorn smiled even bigger. “Then listen to me, and when I’m done, you’re going to repeat what I said.”

She gave him a quick squeeze with her wing, and started.

“You are worth something. You are important. You are useful. There are people who care about you. You will never be alone again, and you won’t underestimate yourself. You are perfect, and the only person you should change for is you.”

Qibli stared at her for a couple seconds in silence, waiting to see if there was anything else. When she didn’t continue, Qibli spoke.

“You are –”

“ _I_ ,” Thorn cut him off kindly, “Say _I_.”

“I am worth –” he paused, taking a breath. “I am worth something. I am important. I am use – useful. There are people who care about m – me.” He sniffed a little, trying desperately not to cry. Another thing Cobra considered unacceptable. 

“I will never be alone again, and I won’t underestimate myself. I am per – perfect, and the only person I should change for is me.” _And you_ , he added silently, _I’d do anything for you_.

“There you go,” Thorn said, giving him another squeeze, “You did wonderful. Any time you hear them, you can repeat that. I think it will help.”

 

And it did. Qibli could feel himself calming down, could feel his breathing slowing. The stone wall of his sleeping cave came back into focus, along with a concerned SandWing face.

“Ostrich,” he said, “I didn’t see you come in.”

The smaller SandWing came into the room, curling up beside him on the floor. “Your IceWing, Winter, told me you left class early and looked all shaky.”

She looked up at him, and he could see concern written all across her snout. “Did it happen again?”

“Yeah,” Qibli answered, “I don’t know why.”

Ostrich was one of the very dragons who knew about his occasional flashbacks; she had even helped his through a couple. She nuzzled against his neck, mumbling “Sorry I wasn’t here earlier.”

“S’okay, I managed alright,” Qibli said, playfully pushing Ostrich onto her back and flopping down on top of her.

“QIBLI!” she shrieked, laughing, “You’re SQUISHING me! Get OFF.”

He did, but not because he was actually worried about hurting her. Ostrich was a lot tougher then she let on.

He curled up on the floor, and she tucked herself under his wing, falling asleep almost instantly.

 _I miss you, Thorn_ , he thought as he drifted off to sleep, _but I have Ostrich and my winglet. You were right, there are people who care about me._

**Author's Note:**

> So, I manged to make myself cry while writing this. Never done that before. Yay? 
> 
> I don't know much about PTSD, so I apologize if it felt unrealistic. It's a bit of a tough subject, but I tried to do what I felt fit with Qibli's character.


End file.
